When Glenn and I got married we received a lot of wonderful gifts from families and friends. One of the gifts we got was a book titled The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. If you haven't read anything by Gottman, do yourself a favor and pick up this book. In his book he teaches in order to have a strong marriage we must have strong friendships as a base.
Why is friendship such a key factor in marriage? Gottman says "By this means a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other's company. These couples tend to know each other intimately --- they are well versed in each other's likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but through small gestures day in and day out (pg. 21)."
As I read this quote I thought about how lucky I am to have married my best friend....did you barf a little in your mouth? Be honest... I mean even I cringed a bit typing that! But it's true! Glenn and I met through mutual friends (my roommate was dating his roommate). Since our roommates were dating each other we often got together as apartments to hang out. Hiking, laser tag, eating, eating, oh and more eating (making fried Oreos was probably when I won Glenn's heart) were some of our favorite things to do as a group. This friendship has aided in our marriage because we are aware of each other’s dislikes and personality quirks before we started dating.
Another great author, John Vann Epp, writes about the Relationship Attachment Model (RAM) in his book, How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk. The RAM model consists of five areas of attachment that are critical to any relationship. These areas must maintain balance throughout the relationship to ensure satisfaction between the couple. The first area of attachment is Know. Getting to know someone (or becoming friends) is a foundational step to building a stronger relationship. Naturally we take time to learn about a person before we trust, commit or even become sexually intimate. (Van Epp, 2007).
My husband and I got married six months after meeting each other. As we prepared for our wedding I often wondered if I knew enough about my soon to be husband. We made meaningful dates a priority. During this time, we were able to talk openly about our past, current, and future lives. We also would occasionally do homework together so we could get to know each other in stressful situation.
Gottman's book has reminded me that I also need to put forth effort to build a friendship with my husband. One way that we are able to strengthen our friendship is by eating dinner together (not in front of the tv). While we eat we are both able learn about what is happening in each other's (very busy) lives. This simple daily practice has actually blessed our marriage and friendship in more ways than I thought.
As cheesy as it sounds, my husband is my best friend and I really look up to him on how I can improve as a wife and a friend. What are some things you do to strengthen your friendship with your significant other? Comment below because I love learning from other couples what works for them.
No comments:
Post a Comment